Time

Well....Time, this is what we have...There is a time for everything. So many times I have been told to be careful what you wish for and that saying really haunts me today. Many times I think that I am getting through, but then some thought or memories slaps me across the head and reminds me that perhaps not. I wake up everyday and thank God for another day to enjoy Ashby. I don't know how many more days I will have, but I cherish each moment. I listen to mothers complain about their children or husbands and I just listen. I remember how I despised people giving their wisdom and it only made me stand firmer in my shoes, didn't help me to see their experiences and knowledge might have wisdom to improve my life.

Paul, my brother-in-law is a prime example of acceptance, grace, and one to love. Love for today, the moment, and to be loved. I thank God for the lessons I have learned from him. I see my sister, Peggy and her strength that reminds us all that although we might be struggling with our own crosses; there is someone else whose battles are much greater than ours. She is a pillar when she needs to be and witty as a schoolgirl who is head over hills with the boy she first set eyes on. Without my sisters, I wouldn't be here today. I know that I would have given in to the dark side that crosses my path everyday since March 19, 2008. My heart is broken and I pray that my nightmare will end. I look to the angels of courage and faith and shout out for their strength to fill my lungs. I must take this moment to thank you all for being a part of my life. I would hate to leave this earth without expressing my gratitude for all of you.

Ashby had a fantastic first quarter in high school as a sophomore. He greets life everyday with pride and wonderment, looking to take whatever it brings and to give back in order to pay it forward. I am the luckiest mother in the world to have three wonderful children. Pride is in abundance when I look at Courtney's life and her joys of what she is doing. Ross has a tender heart that reaches out to me every day. And you all know about my little Ash-man.

I have mixed emotions as I waded through the 17 years of photos. Tears of joy and appreciation for a good life, and tears of sorrow that our family life as it was must end. Tough to let go of my love and the plans and dreams. I better end for now because the sadness is overwhelming. It isn't always like this, but watching a movie tonight brought the memories flooding in. The emotions of what could have been pound on me as the characters of a movie played by Meg Ryan and John Travolta express their promises in a wedding vow, in good times and bad times, sickness and health, rich or poor etc...

I know I must stop and say goodnight moon, goodnight sun, goodnight all. Tomorrow will never come as tomorrow (future) but only as today the present or gift from God.

LOVE AS THOUGH IT IS YOUR LAST!