Wedding Bells

Friday Night, October 21, 2011 Ross and Amelia took the next step in making promises to each other for life. This is a very special time for them and I am really excited that they have made this choice to unite their lives by committing to each other. Love is patient, Love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects. always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. The greatest of these is love!

I am so very blessed to have three beautiful children who are lent to me to love, cherish, and adore. They are not my possession but only my joy and through them I experience happiness that comes from what I make of it. Happiness is always within ourselves to project our love onto others. Enjoy the chocolates of life!

I welcome Amelia into our family love circle and may she know that she has always fit into the circle of love with us. She has been family from the start and it is through this commitment that it makes it official. She will always be family!

Nama was a great example of expressing love and acceptance and I miss her deeply. She was the pillar that held this family together. Mimi and Gigi have unconditional love pouring out of their veins and I am so blessed to have known Gigi for the short time I did. She was a truly lovable grandmother. Mimi is the best mother in-law that anyone could have asked for. She has given me strength in the sea of storms and I thank her for her example of fortitude and perseverance. Amelia has joined the family of women of strength! Courtney now has another sister. She was united in the sisterhood of PEO 2 years ago that opened their arms to a world of sisterly love and now she has the opportunity to have her very own sister. I know that she really would have loved to have a sister growing up; but there is nothing more wonderful than sister in laws. I have so many wonderful sister in laws. I couldn't have asked for a better sister as Leslie, who has given me so much. She is the best aunt to my children and I thank her for loving them so much. Kari means the world to me and I only had wished that I could have given back to her what she has done for me. Little things mean so much; thank you. My very own sisters, Susan and Peggy have carried me and lifted me through these very dark days and have given me a lantern to light my path. Unbelievable bonds through women will always be there and it is always just at your finger tips. Sisters....

Time

Well....Time, this is what we have...There is a time for everything. So many times I have been told to be careful what you wish for and that saying really haunts me today. Many times I think that I am getting through, but then some thought or memories slaps me across the head and reminds me that perhaps not. I wake up everyday and thank God for another day to enjoy Ashby. I don't know how many more days I will have, but I cherish each moment. I listen to mothers complain about their children or husbands and I just listen. I remember how I despised people giving their wisdom and it only made me stand firmer in my shoes, didn't help me to see their experiences and knowledge might have wisdom to improve my life.

Paul, my brother-in-law is a prime example of acceptance, grace, and one to love. Love for today, the moment, and to be loved. I thank God for the lessons I have learned from him. I see my sister, Peggy and her strength that reminds us all that although we might be struggling with our own crosses; there is someone else whose battles are much greater than ours. She is a pillar when she needs to be and witty as a schoolgirl who is head over hills with the boy she first set eyes on. Without my sisters, I wouldn't be here today. I know that I would have given in to the dark side that crosses my path everyday since March 19, 2008. My heart is broken and I pray that my nightmare will end. I look to the angels of courage and faith and shout out for their strength to fill my lungs. I must take this moment to thank you all for being a part of my life. I would hate to leave this earth without expressing my gratitude for all of you.

Ashby had a fantastic first quarter in high school as a sophomore. He greets life everyday with pride and wonderment, looking to take whatever it brings and to give back in order to pay it forward. I am the luckiest mother in the world to have three wonderful children. Pride is in abundance when I look at Courtney's life and her joys of what she is doing. Ross has a tender heart that reaches out to me every day. And you all know about my little Ash-man.

I have mixed emotions as I waded through the 17 years of photos. Tears of joy and appreciation for a good life, and tears of sorrow that our family life as it was must end. Tough to let go of my love and the plans and dreams. I better end for now because the sadness is overwhelming. It isn't always like this, but watching a movie tonight brought the memories flooding in. The emotions of what could have been pound on me as the characters of a movie played by Meg Ryan and John Travolta express their promises in a wedding vow, in good times and bad times, sickness and health, rich or poor etc...

I know I must stop and say goodnight moon, goodnight sun, goodnight all. Tomorrow will never come as tomorrow (future) but only as today the present or gift from God.

LOVE AS THOUGH IT IS YOUR LAST!

Guru? Perhaps not? Perhaps, crossing over!

Life is so precious. Our journey in life has so many dimensions that too often the meanings somewhat are past over or get lost and then you are reminded of the purpose or simple the feeling of being loved. Many times I try to bubble or capture those moments and put them in a jar to hang onto them and to savor them forever, but I was reminded tonight that the balance in ones life is simple loosing your balance in loving and being loved. It can't be bottled up and put on the shelf; it will die if that is where it stays. Letting yourself go or releasing yourself of those boundaries of fear of the unknown is what keeps it alive. I have had so much in life and I still have people who are important and very much a part of my life. I read what my beautiful daughter has and wants and experiences and I am overwhelmed with joy. Joy that she has learned the value of love and being loved. I hear, see, touch and feel a part of her life and know what it is like to feel those feelings she has, we all have experienced them. I am so happy that she has a strong bond and connection with her daddy. I feel at peace that she experiences this love and that she is able to express her joyfulness and appreciation for the daddy/daughter bond.

It has been 8 months since our arrival in Utah. This journey has taught me much. I have walked hand in hand with a very special mentor and at times he has carried me when I have been too weak to move forward. I wish I could report that I have journeyed by way of eating through Italy or praying and mediating in India and ending my last months of the year in Bali; but I haven't been that fortunate. However, the lessons along the way have taught me much and I pray that I may be enlightened even more in the next phase.

For those who read my update...my love goes out to you and I thank you for being a part of my life. Perhaps there is no one reading these posts, I can only say that I get something out of it by saying and putting it out to the universe and May God allow me to be better by doing so.

Pay it Forward

I just watched "Pay it Forward for the I don't know how many times. Amazing story of a movement that can change the way society thinks. A change or shift in society's way of treating people. Wow! to think that a small change in how we think about the value of people can change the outcome. A hope for peace, forgiveness for those things we did wrong, a desire to give someone what they think will bring them happiness. It may come through forced life changes that were so unexpected and cruel.